Arthur Norman Software Engineering Quotes

because you're computer scientists, you have no need to go to the college bar
the ability to write stuff that is inscrutable is a vital social skill
...sitting in a bath scrubbing your back with one hand, reading the source code with another
most people involved in computing are muddled most of the time
people who don't use computers are more sociable, reasonable, and ... less twisted
data is semi-animate, sort of like programmers
you will have to associate with people who went to art college
[when talking about experimental psycology] i'm not sure what the going rate for computer programmers is
one should only gamble against people when you are sober and they are drunk cos you have a significant edge

I believe there is a lot of people who it would be good to have shot
apply this well-known piece of technology, known as a hammer
hit your program with a hammer till bits fall off
there is a skill associated with hitting programs with a hammer, just as there is a skill with hitting people with hammers ... but this course is only about programming
there it is behind you ... not in the sense of behind you with a knife in your back: that's debugging
the hard back [book] is jolly good for hitting people over the head with
keep reminding us that computing is masochism
realise that you're going to enjoy it and take pleasure in the pain
it is especially popular with those who enjoy banging their heads against the wall
banging your head against a brick wall is great fun ... especially when the wall falls down
if you've been sitting at a computer for too long, you should go and drown yourself in a swimming pool, then we'll pump you out and sit you at your desk, all refreshed

if enough of you go, I can give up and not give these lectures
my name is Attila the Hun, or whatever name you use for yourself as the programmer
the book I'm going to write when I have time, its called "Computing Made Difficult"
you should imagine me swinging through the trees or maybe even messing around in the swamp before I climbed into the trees and descended on the savannas of Africa
I have got myself in total and twisted knots
I am in a complete mess ... can't get anywhere ... PANIC!
I'm a complete and total wet drippy wimp
some of us don't believe in magic, poor Tinkerbell...

if you vote, I have the right to blame you for whatever the outcome is
there appears to be a general suggestion that I should not tell you which way to vote. Nevertheless...
Vote early, and vote often

climb inside a Cathode Ray Tube with a pen.
Unfortunately Health & Safety Regulations these days prevent people from climbing inside CRTs ... there are things about high voltages, and vacuums, and apparently the phosphor in there isn't too great to inhale
you can make a demo, sell it, then flee the country
"Writing a program by ripping them off". Oops, I have already done ethical concerns earlier this lecture...

you can swear at the keyboard and it won't be offended. It was going to treat you badly anyway
the code should be beaten into submission
goodness knows how much thrashing is going on to get your code to compile
almost nobody should be frightened of code
Microsoft has world class quality control
building skyscrapers top down is kind of a delicate matter
perfection is a kind of difficult thing to build in: sad state of affairs, that
perhaps the program will work on the 31st, but it won't work on any other day
the best way to implement hard code is never to know you're implementing it
thought experiments are much nicer than real ones, and if they go wrong, noone will know

the third years are wandering about all worried at the moment because they have to hand in their final projects. Please be sympathetic to them, say things like "ha-ha-ha", but in a sympathetic tone of voice

fresh wheels ... swack! get them blisterin', yeah!
a timeless piece of literature entitled "What I did on my holidays". Yeah, really timeless...
the manager. Whether it is the good angel or the bad...
what if I look at something and can't see how to decompose it?

the theoreticians have proven that this is unsolvable, but there's three of us, and we're smart...
there are two reasons for computing:
- air conditioning
- don't have to deal with people