Arthur Norman Java Quotes

I frequently send myself encrypted messages, but I can never decode them so I don't know what I'm talking about
real programmers eat arrays for breakfast
if any of you usually snip your network wires while your computers are still running...then you need exception handling
something that says "Retry Fail Abort" to show you are in touch with modern computer interface systems
perhaps the world isn't quite as insane as it possibly could be

opium is quite counter-productive - writing programs is quite mind-bending enough, thank you very much

I believe there is a great deal to be said for being a coward in programming

and it will say something like "oops we should never have got here" and cuts the throat of the programmer

as someone who dates back from Antideluvean times, who uses GOTOs everywhere ... not only that but also variables like
togo tgoo otog
you can see how it is the use of the GOTO that leads to much clearer coding
for those of you who are into writing programs that are as obscure and complicated as possible, there are opportunities for... real fun here
all of this sounds mildly turgid and messy and confusing... but what the heck. That's what programming's all about, really
there are almost unlimited ways for making your programs more complicated or bizarre

if you've just poisoned your rich uncle and are thinking of buying all the Java books you can get your hands on - well the first thing that I would recommend is that you GET A LIFE, you are sad, sad, sad, sad ...
one of the great good things about Java is that it doesn't try to be clever
this is a sample Java program, not a statement of reality
computers are very good at doing the wrong thing very efficiently, and Java tries to do just that
Java will go, "I got an overflow! Ooh, urgle, I don't like it!"

I hear gasps of breaths that a word like that should be mentioned in a computer science course [referring to "goto"]
it could be forced back in when the International Forces of Darkness in the form of an International Standards Committee force it back in
...and you can alert anyone who hasn't made it here on Saturday that they can win points, and points mean prizes don't they?
what a sordid thing to have to describe ... you'd have thought you could have integers that were integers that were integers ... well tough luck, there ain't
well I wouldn't describe this as total and utter trash, but if you had a bank account and you thought you were going to be paid 12¹² pounds, and someone subtracted 251 million pounds from it, you would probably be quite sad.
[that's 12^12 pounds for lynxers]
... and you should now be able to represent your bank account using this ... and those who can't, I would like to see you at the end of the lecture. In fact, I might have a request to make...
which people who have a sufficiently twisted mind might believe to be meaningful and useful.

this is what programming is going to be about, in the... er... whatever year we're in at present
trying to write a program that can't be written is... well, it can be an enormous amount of fun!
what you asked for, that's what you get ... it isn't a good thing to say about a programming language
that's what it says in the manual ... its your problem ... you can still feel quite sad about it
there are going to be some curiosities and refinements about that - I think the answer is no
and people who like to do that sort of thing should be slapped heavily across the wrists - sorry, we're not allowed to do that anymore - only calculations with infinity would encourage such behaviour
there may be the occasional typo on there which makes the thing actively aggressively wrong

it is my intention to view you as sort of trainable monkeys
... and the REALLY GOOD THING, is that after you have gone to the trouble of compiling that once, you can run it MANY MANY times!!!
if you were to point your browser at this, you would probably get the world's most pathetic homepage